τέλος • (télosn (genitive τέλεος or τέλους); third declension

completion, accomplishment, fulfillment, perfection, consummation

The Whoniverse is wide, and rich, and crazy.

And sometimes, bits of it go overlooked. There’s no way around it, we, at DoWntime, are children of the New Series. Our cultural sensibilities and our tastes in Who have been shaped by it. And of course, when we’re embarking in the big task of producing Discourse, we naturally tend to tackle recent events, controversies and stories. But that doesn’t mean the twenty-six seasons of Classic Who are undeserving of some in-depth coverage – and what better way to deliver said coverage than to watch it.

ALL of it. In order. Without skipping anything.

We’re looking for our telos, and it starts now.



SCRIBBLES: Can you believe it? We’re about to embark on the last full Hartnell season.

TIBERE: I don’t want him to go. Well, technically, I’ve just seen him regenerate last year. God, Who’s chronology. It’s a mess. Oh, wait, this is a recon? I did not know that.

SCRIBBLES: Only one episode of this serial exists. We’re getting into the really missing stuff now. Season 3 will be a bit rough in that.

TIBERE: At least some of the ambiance works shines through. The quality downgrade after “Time Meddler” hits hard, though. I do like Vicki giving Steven a haircut, too – like, it might be leaning on some gender tropes, but it’s quite sweet and gives a real familial vibe.

SCRIBBLES: Did the Doctor just say, “long deserved, undeserved peace”? A flub, I’m guessing, but true to their lifestyle.

TIBERE: CHUMBLEYS! Oh my god they are so freaking adorable. They’re like robot plushies. I love ‘em. Although … damn, these shots of ‘em circling the ship do go on forever.

SCRIBBLES: WIth the alien landscape and all the beeping, it feels like they’re trying to return to the “successes” of The Web Planet.”

TIBERE: And Vicki continues her long-running tradition of naming alien species. They could start a band eventually. Sandy & the Chumblies. It’d be a hit, I tell you, a big hit. The part about three suns in the sky, and smelling the alien flowers is really great, too. It really gets to the heart of that sense of wonder and awe the Hartnell years have been very good at conveying, even in stories like “The Web Planet”.

SCRIBBLES: I like the little reference to “The Space Museum.” That’s cute. God knows what Steven makes of it, though.

TIBERE:  Back on the Chumblies, though – how many species do you think entered official space zoology manuals just because Vicki gave em a cutesy nickname. Oh, and … They’ve been rescued by two lesbian glam rock singers. That’s random. Can’t say I’m in love with the dialogue there, really. It’s like, a ton of exposition thrown at us – the Rill and the Drahvins and all that, it’s kinda confusing and you don’t get a clear picture of the powers at stake the way some other serials were good at conveying.

SCRIBBLES: I like how the moment the Doctor is told the Rill are murderers, he says he wants to meet them, though. That’s charming enough to pull us out of that dullness. He’s quite the rogue.

TIBERE: Daaaaw, bless them, they’re rescuing their entrapped Chumbley comrade. Cute robot solidarity. This is like “Smile”. With less murder. Also, the leader is called Maaga. Which is … A bit odd in 2018. “Make Automatic Androids Great Again?” The set-up of a planet on the eve of collapse is every interesting, though – it’s really hitting the themes of the Hartnell era, survival, great cosmic forces clashing, et caetera. Like … It’s fitting. It’s nothing that hasn’t been said before, and better, though. You can kinda feel the formula running out of steam.

SCRIBBLES: I like how Vicki asks if the Drahvins want to murder them. There’s a pleasant bit of genre awareness to her there. The themes here, though, are a bit too obvious. The desire to capture the Rill ship to get away when the Rill are trying to get away is a bit obvious. And the less said about the men vs women thing with the Drahvins the better, because it’s pretty awful.

TIBERE: On one hand, the whole set-up of having a species of females is just one of the most tired pointless sci-fi clichés ever. It sucked when Star Trek did it (although it was kinda worth it for Jonathan Frakes in sexy pajamas), it sucked when Big Finish did it. On the other, I won’t deny the line about men taking space and serving no purpose didn’t get a lil’ smile out of me. Although, it’s very much stock angry feminism from the 1960s stuff.

SCRIBBLES: Is it really feminism? They feel a bit too cardboard to mean anything other than, “ooohhh, wouldn’t it be weird if women were in control?” I don’t like it.

TIBERE: Oh, I’m not saying they are feminists. I’m just saying they embody the idea of what a feminist looks like from the point of view of a old male writer from the 1960s

SCRIBBLES: I must say, this story feels a bit more condescending to me than much of the era. There’s no nuance here. The Drahvins are so obviously evil, the big twist that the beautiful aliens are evil and the ugly ones are good is too signposted. It’s like, sure, that’s a nice theme to hit, but when it’s this ham-fisted, why the hell should we care?

TIBERE: Yeah. It’s hitting all the classic beats we’ve had in previous stories, but it’s doing it in a really clumsy way. It really doesn’t have anything new or especially interesting, at least so far, to offer.

SCRIBBLES: It really doesn’t feel like a tragedy this is missing. All we’re losing is the chance at a few cute Chumbley gifs.

TIBERE: God, the dialogue between Maaga and her underlings is terrible. Terrible green monsters, do you want to feel their claws on your neck … Sounds like she’s threatening them with the plot of a subpar sci-fi erotica novel. Or a Chuck Tingle book.

SCRIBBLES: Coming soon to a Jason Kane publishing house near you.

TIBERE: Okay, but concept – a book of Classic serials retold by Jason Kane. Just imagine what he’d do with “Survival”. CATGIRLS ORGY!

SCRIBBLES: The BBC would never approve but I want it. Doctor Who, the smut book. Well, the other one, “Black Lace: The Stranger” exists and was gleefully referenced by Lance Parkin.

TIBERE: Uh, what even was that cliffhanger?

SCRIBBLES: It was a “we ran out of 25 minutes of story so we’ll cut.”

TIBERE: The best kind, I think we can all agree. Also, I find the fact that the Drahvins are credited “Drahvin 1, 2 & 3” low-key hilarious. Wooo, what great worldbuilding!

SCRIBBLES: At least they aren’t called “Sexy Domineering Woman 1, 2, & 3.”

TIBERE: No, that’s the credits for “Zygon: When Being You Just Isn’t Enough

SCRIBBLES: Mate you haven’t even watched that. Believe me, it’s nothing like what you’d expect it to be.

TIBERE: I’m saving it for when I’ll need to titivate my fonds.



SCRIBBLES: God, even the titles feel like they’re out of ideas. “Trap of Steel.” Ho-hum.

TIBERE: It’s like Man of Steel except it stars Admiral Ackbar. Oh, blimey, the still shots really don’t end up on the most flattering expressions for Peter Purves and Bill Hartnell, uh? Also, damn, the sound is pretty awful. Oh yeah, and the Chumbleys kinda blow up the TARDIS with a couple wires? Oooooh, I get it, that’s where the Fourth Doctor got the idea for that scene in “Genesis”. Wires are useful. But urgh, the writing in this. It’s really not good. Like, why would the Doctor just spontaneously namedrop Guy Fawkes after his TARDIS got attacked? Like … It’s really inorganic and clunky and I don’t like it.

SCRIBBLES: The Chumbley blowing up the TARDIS is such an aesthetic, though. I would love to put two wires together and blow up this serial. God, the Drahvins are such cartoonish villains. I get it, they’re selfish and xenophobic and evil. I agree those are bad things. But, like, please stop bashing me over the head with it. Give them some degree of nuance!

TIBERE: I like how the writer feels the need to have Vicki specify that she’s being kept as an hostage. Which, basically everyone had figured out since fifteen minutes. SUBTLETY!

SCRIBBLES: This story is literally incapable of surprising anyone. I feel like if I were a kid watching this in the 60s, I’d feel talked down to and want the Chumblies to kill everyone.

TIBERE: The Chumblies are too good for this. You know, I kinda get Peter Capaldi’s desire to get the Chumblies back now – they deserve a comeback, a resurrection, a story that’s worthy of their wobbly majesty. Down to this serial, and may the Chumblies rule! Oh, yeah, and Maaga gets disarmed by Steven now. Insert joke about Trump and firearms and stuff.

SCRIBBLES: I’m trawling Wikipedia for anything interesting about this story as I watch. It says, “Ian Levine claimed that the Doctor Who Appreciation Society obtained legal permission to privately screen this serial at a convention in 1978, only to find that the BBC had junked the episodes about three weeks prior. Later research subsequently showed this to be mistaken, as the DWAS never held any agreement to show the serial, and BBC Enterprises appear to have junked at least one of the episodes by the end of 1976.” Holy hell. Only Ian Levine would lie about an attempt to watch this serial. That man has no taste.

TIBERE: You’re talking about the guy who’s desperately trying to get the credit for having written “Attack of the Cybermen”. Like … I’m not seeing there’s a pattern, but there’s a pattern.

SCRIBBLES: This is almost too good for him. The women are all pretty and belittled, but they are still strong. That might scare him.

TIBERE: His love affair with the 60s, ruined! Also, the plot still hasn’t moved while we were talking. Like, they want the Doctor to help them steal that ship. They wanted that before. We just spent basically twenty minutes pussyfooting around and getting nothing done.

SCRIBBLES: “Probably lasts about two hours.” The Doctor’s describing how long this serial will be padded for.

TIBERE: Okay, one genuine bit of praise – at least they had Vicki and Steven switch places and didn’t keep her as the hostage for the whole serial. That’d have sucked.

SCRIBBLES: Not that it amounts to a significant change in plot. It’s basically the same exact events with them swapping places.

TIBERE: I mean, it’s still dull as shit, but at least it’s dull in slightly different ways throughout its runtime. And now, Steven is arguing about what his breakfast should be made of. Riveting drama.

SCRIBBLES: “She is our leader, and has leader’s things.” God, this is some really subtle commentary on social class. Truly revolutionary.

TIBERE: Do you think the writer is saying that rich people have undue privileges, Scribs? I’m not sure I can tell. It’s so subtle, it’s beyond my reach.

SCRIBBLES: This is a serial that’s only comfortable taking the least controversial social positions imaginable and trying to play them as revolutionary.

TIBERE: “You have done badly. You will be punished.” Ah, at last, some good old entertaining porn dialogue. Noice. Steven teaching the ways of resistance and stuff to a bunch of stuck-up women is a wee bit iffy, too, isn’t it?

SCRIBBLES: And the Doctor was just commenting on the women’s intelligence, or rather lack thereof, a few scenes ago. Yeah, eesh. At least they’re not resolving it by pairing them off with men, that puts it over unmade horrors like a couple Lost Stories I could mention. But it’s still dire.

TIBERE: Especially with the Doctor insisting on the importance of scientific method in the dialogue. Urgh. The man is the embodiment of reason, and the women are dangerous emotional aliens. Yaaay.

SCRIBBLES: “I observed, collated, concluded, and then I threw a rock.” Ah, there we have it: the one good line in the serial.

TIBERE: Vicki is a light in these dark, dark times.

SCRIBBLES: I think this is all a testament to how little reconstructions matter to episode quality oftentimes, though. When it’s something brilliant like “Marco Polo,” it’s brilliant even without images. And when it’s terrible already, you don’t feel like you’re losing much. Oh god, they’re approaching the home of the Rills. What’s to bet they’re gonna do a cliffhanger introducing the other species that we’ve known is benign since the first part? If they do, I’m gonna scream.

TIBERE: In the Jason Kane version, the Rills would be called Drills. Sorry, you expected an insightful answer? Yeah, no, if the serial doesn’t make any efforts I’m not going to either.

SCRIBBLES: Maureen O’Brien’s boredom with everything about this story except the Chumbleys is so, so palpable. And honestly, her acting too good for all this increases entertainment value, because she’s right, she is.

TIBERE: Even in stills form, she looks so, so done. She left because of this serial, didn’t she?

SCRIBBLES: I have no idea. But I suppose we’re not far off, god. I forgot how short she and Steven were around together for. Are we really into the Dalek epic and “Myth Makers” after this? Damn. Maybe it’s a good thing season 3 phoned in the opening, it’s gonna be non-stop big things for a fair few weeks after that. But god, this is a lazy, lazy serial. Nobody has their heart in it.

TIBERE: Like, nothing has happened for a good five minutes? Just Vicki and the Doctor looking at stuff and commenting on it. The baby Chumbley is sweet tho.

SCRIBBLES: I was right! They were padding for that cliffhanger with the Rill! Fuck you, serial. Fuck you so much.

TIBERE: What he said. Oh, but there was a Chumbley operator called Pepi Poupee and that gives me much joy. Welp. We’re halfway there now. Wooooh, ooooh, livin’ on a prayer …



TIBERE: Well talk about uninspired titles. They’re just gonna name ship bits now? Are we gonna have “Hull”, “Porthole” and “Crew Quarters” next?

SCRIBBLES: Bit prophetic, though, given its status as a breath of fresh air as the only existing episode. Especially considering, god, after this we don’t get another existent one till well into Master Plan

TIBERE: That’s the point where we are supposed to comment on stuff, right? Well, there is stuff moving. They are running up and down corridors. There’s a machine that turns air into gas. Wooow, the excitement.

SCRIBBLES: The design work is vaguely nice, though it’s so, so obvious they had to pull down their own prison cell door, and Vicki could easily squeeze through those bars, or break the plastic sheets that are the walls.

TIBERE: But then they’d have to write actual plot for like five minutes Scribs, and that’s just not possible.

SCRIBBLES: How many minutes till the Rill actually speak?

TIBERE: I’m betting on the next cliffhanger. Who’s with me?

SCRIBBLES: God, why the hell is Vicki scared? She gives no shits about monsters. She keeps them as pets. This is just plain out of character. I do love the three women in identical wigs standing identically next to each other, though. This story is shit, but I’d read the hell out of an Iris Wildthyme parody, the aesthetics are so camp. Oh, dear, and the acting is awful for the Drahvin soldiers.

TIBERE: Beep boop beep. Drama. We have emotions. Seriously, the Chumbleys are more expressive. Hell, I’ll love to have the Chumbleys act the shit out of some scenes. Have them stage some Shakespeare! The Chumbley Hamlet!

SCRIBBLES: Now only Maaga is allowed to think. God. The guard next to her looks thirsty for her, though, so that’s nice.

TIBERE: And they don’t know the meaning of that thing we humans call “friendshiiiiiip”. They even die for one another! Oh my god, what a wonderful thing! This writing hurst me.

SCRIBBLES: “I do not understand.” Is this the writer’s reaction when he, too, discovered that human emotion exists?

TIBERE: Fifty Shades had better dialogue than this. And these books used repeatedly the sentence “my penis tells me …”.

SCRIBBLES: Hey, Tib, you know how you hate the Daleks talking to each other? This is proof that the same scenes are worse with humanoids.

TIBERE: At least we have subconsciously assimilated that Dalek exposition is terrible so we’re psychologically prepared to it. And the voice filter is a good way to distract us, too. Whereas here … Just … Fuck.

SCRIBBLES: Steven is awake, but nah, let’s not pay off any of that. He’ll just lie there till the next scene. Eight minutes in. We still haven’t seen the Rill since the cliffhanger. Will we finally get the second plot beat to happen? Oh, yes, amazing! It speaks! Offscreen! God, what a load of pointless build-up for a heavily-telegraphed event.

TIBERE: It only took … Eight minutes after we first saw them. Pacing! I haz it!

SCRIBBLES: “They didn’t tell us that.” Wait, Vicki, you seriously didn’t realize the Rill totally offered to take the Drahvins with them? Holy hell she’s being written as stupid here. She doesn’t even understand that the Rill are intelligent and can communicate until it’s spelled out for a minute. What. The. Fuck? These are science fiction cliches this show already covered in its first season withThe Sensorites!

TIBERE: Like … We live in a sci-fi world where the big bad aliens look like giant pepperpots. Why the hell would the Drahvins, or Vicki for that matter, be shocked at an alien that looks like a giant pile of compost mixed with the Venusian pumpkin from It Conquered the World?



TIBERE: Oh my god … You mean the woman everything on screen and in the script told us was the villain … Was actually the villain?! What a fucking twist, I am flabber-fucking-gasted.

SCRIBBLES: The Doctor potentially killing the Rill is a genuinely interesting idea, though, and I like cutting to him doing his science stuff there. That’s dramatic. You could get a good crosscut sequence of tension out of that. So let’s cut to Steven getting up finally! Extremely slowly. Thirteen minutes into the episode.

TIBERE: Oh god I just realized there’s one episode and a half left. DO NOT WANT.

SCRIBBLES: They really should have pulled a “Planet of Giants” with this. Not that three parts would be enough to save this serial, it has none of the charm or subtlety or drama of that one. But it’d at least be less painful. This story basically feels paced to only have events at the cliffhanger. You could probably tell this story in a single page. And so the Doctor immediately and smoothly gets prevented from killing the Rill. We get an anticlimax to the one dramatic moment in this whole thing.

TIBERE: Oh god, back again with that all “we don’t want to show ourselves” thing. It makes no sense!

SCRIBBLES: The Rill are clearly lovecraftian horrors that drive people mad if gazed upon. Or, you know, the budget doesn’t extend to a decent looking monster.

TIBERE: Oh, god, you’re right. It’s just a ploy to save the costumes department money.

SCRIBBLES: Funnily enough, this actually is a ploy that can work. I mean, the stuff with the 456 in “Children of Earth” is exceptionally done.

TIBERE: Maybe, y’know, it’s because Russell T. Davies is like, a good writer? Just an intuition?

SCRIBBLES: And had dramatic events? And character? And competent directors? Who even directed this, and what else has he done?

TIBERE: It’s Derek Martinus. He did “The Tenth Planet”, “The Ice Warriors” and “Evil of the Daleks”. Oh, and “Spearhead from Space”.

SCRIBBLES: Huh, those are all far better. I guess he’s forgiven. Whereas this writer definitely is not. “You hear me, Earth man?” Did Steven ever actually mention Earth?

TIBERE: No, he didn’t. Just said he was a pilot, basically, I think?

SCRIBBLES: I just looked up a fan transcript. The word Earth first is used in this serial in this episode…by Maaga, twice, discounting a previous generic “what on Earth” from Vicki when the Drahvins aren’t around. And then after Maaga uses it, Vicki introduces the TARDIS crew as “time travellers from the planet Earth”… to the Rill. God. They didn’t even try. This story continuity is appalling.

TIBERE: “Maaga doesn’t trust you. I don’t trust you.” Like … I guess having the organic creatures speak like machines is very mildly clever, but god, it’s tedious. At least we get Vicki ordering the Chumblies around, which is kinda fun. Wonder if Moffat took the “Missy-using-he-Cybermen-as-her-puppets” scene in “Death in Heaven” from there. Oh, hey, was that a vaguely decent cliffhanger? It kinda was! Will wonders never cease. Would have been better if Steven did like, anything this serial before being trapped in a room being slowly drained of its air, but y’know. At least it’s not showing us stuff we already know and asking us to be shocked by it.



SCRIBBLES: Oh, good. The title tells us the event we knew was coming from the first episode is going to happen. Shock. You know, for a story with such a visceral ticking clock, you’d think it’d actually have a sense of pacing. I think we can all work out what happens. Drahvins die. Rill and TARDIS crew get away. The end. You could do that in five minutes of this episode.

TIBERE: It could make for like, a decent one-parter. Like “Mission to the Unknown”, which is coming next. Would be cliché, but tolerable.

SCRIBBLES: Maybe it’d work as one of the more boring installments in a Big Finish anthology release, to hold you over before something exciting by Steven Hall or Matt Fitton or John Dorney or Nev Fountain or… yeah. This is dreadful.

TIBERE: Like … I’m in love with those, but I find yourself very mean. They generally have way better plots than this! I do love the musical cue after Maaga announces her evil plan. We’re gonna blow them up! TA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA scare chords. Urgh, blow me, story.

SCRIBBLES: Er…I’d rather you not get blown while we write together. That’d be weird.

TIBERE: But appropriate, if the story sucks.

SCRIBBLES: Some sort of big moral debate is happening and I don’t think I’ve registered a word of it.

TIBERE: It involved cables and gas and Steven doing some stuff. Urgh, the recons suck, you can’t even gaze at Peter Purves’ ass.

SCRIBBLES: A tragedy, I’m sure. Even the sound is pretty spotty on these reconstructions, though. Usually you can at least rely on the sound. I like the following scene, though, with Vicki saying how strange it is to picture a planet exploding, and the Doctor turning to the wonders of science to reassure her that nothing is ever entirely gone. That actually felt in-character for them, unlike most of this dire mess.

TIBERE: So many beeps and boops over still picture. Riveting drama! Get it? ‘Cause like, they’re robots. With rivets. Oh god, how did she even kill that Chumbley? That was like, the least convincing bashing in the history of violence. Someone get Ace in here and make her show these vapid vixens how to handle a bat, please.

SCRIBBLES: It’s hilarious that the one existing shot we get there is the most pitiful action shot ever. That’d actually look better missing, they frigging tap it and it breaks. And now the Drahvins are basically being the Sontarans. “Death does not frighten me! I die a warrior Drahvin!” God, imagine if instead of the Sontarans ever getting created, it was just endless Drahvin sequels… Mind you, I wonder if Dan Starkey could pull off the look. At least the Sontarans add the element of arguable non-binary identities…

TIBERE: God, I never thought I’d say that, but PLEASE GIVE ME THE SONTARANS BACK.

SCRIBBLES: “What difference does it make what your form is?” Geez, I’m really a big fan of Doctor Who taking on racism, but holy shit, tone it down. This is so on-the-nose I feel like I need a tissue. Seriously, look at that whole conversation:

“STEVEN: Well, I don’t see why the Drahvins should hate you.

VICKI: I know. I mean, after all, we must look just as strange to you.

CHUMBLEY: To the Drahvins we are ugly, so they become frightened.

DOCTOR: You are different from us, of course, but at least you are intelligent.

STEVEN: Yes, what difference does it make what your form is?

DOCTOR: Importance lies in the character and to what use you put this intelligence. We respect you as we respect all life.”

SCRIBBLES: That’s not dialogue! That’s a frigging lecture. Racism is bad, but so is treating such a real and insidious issue this lazily. Only the youngest of children would get any meaningful insight out of that, and the youngest of children generally don’t think to judge people based on their skin in the first place.

TIBERE: Oh, god, it’s over. It’s finally over. Yeah, the expression of the dying Drahvins as the planet explodes under their feet is pretty close to how I feel on the inside right now. Oh, hey, the Doctor offering some healing to Vicki and wishing to give her a safe environment to thrive in – that’s kind of lovely, and some really good character development, when you compare it to how he acted in series 1 & 2.

SCRIBBLES: The cliffhanger is massively shoehorned in. They stare at a planet and wonder what’s happening there. Coincidentally, it just happens to be one that’s relevant.

TIBERE: What the fuck is happening there? Who are these people? Garvey? Who’s Garvey?

SCRIBBLES: They’re our stars for next week.

TIBERE: Oh, joy.



TIBERE: Well, that wasn’t half dreadful. Like, the basic set-up is decent enough. It’s uninspired and just Hartnell 101, but eh, it’s the kind of things that era does and does well. But then, the execution … Like, holy crap, the directing, the acting – the writing, oh my god, the fucking writing! – it’s just a disaster. It’s not wretched or morally bankrupt or offensive or causing any kind of lasting harm to the series, but damn, in terms of production, it’s catastrophic at every single possible level.

SCRIBBLES: There’s the seeds of a good, archetypal moral in this, one that never stops becoming any less valuable. And that’s literally the only idea “Galaxy 4” has. The moral. So the plot just meanders around for two hours to preach to us a little bit in the least meaningful terms at the end. I actually do find it kind of offensive, because it’s so content to phone in something that genuinely does matter. It’s lazy and insulting to the viewer’s intelligence.

TIBERE: I mean, yeah, I do see your point. In and of itself, for something made in the 60s, when Star Trek was getting praised for literally having stories about half-white half-black people, it’s not all that bad, but the thing is, Who had proven repeatedly, at this point, that it was capable to be much smarter and better than this. Like, you could tolerate a “Galaxy 4” if it paved the way for a “Marco Polo”. The other way around? Not so much. And as the first episode of a series, well, it’s not encouraging – really gives you the impression that the show is in regression, unlearning the lessons that had driven it before. With any hope, that won’t last. With any hope …

SCRIBBLES: I guess you could say to find that out, you’ll have to embark on a mission into the unknown.

TIBERE: I’m not going into the unknown, dear, I’m just following your Master Plan.

SCRIBBLES: That pun was forced and you know it. Still, more entertainment value in that than in two hours of “Galaxy 4.”

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